This is the second blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey.
I will never forget the moment I heard a doctor say to me, “you will never be able to have [biological] children.” I had just turned 16 and was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition that resulted in infertility. Everything around me blurred, the doctor’s voice muffled as I felt my world crumbling around me. My dreams, my plans and my future all shattered with one sentence. I felt betrayed by my own body. It was not able to do the “one” thing a woman’s body should be able to do. I honestly don’t remember a lot of what happened in the six months after my diagnosis. I was grieving the plans I had made for my life and the dreams of what could have been. I was feeling broken, defective and purposeless.
Let’s be honest. The road to adoption is exhausting.
My husband, Auston, and I are still in our “season of waiting” and can tell you firsthand that the ups and downs of this experience can drain you and your marriage. Early in this ever-winding road of trying to grow our family, my husband and I have experienced ill health, pregnancy losses, and large disagreements that could only be resolved after speaking with a professional counselor. We have been poked and prodded by doctors. We’ve been forced to face hard truths about our physical, emotional, and psychological limits. And that all occurred BEFORE we chose to sign on with an adoption agency for the “next path forward”...
Like you, I think we all went into adoption for the first time scared, uncertain, uncomfortable, and lost in all that is adoption. One thing we all know we can lean on is God and His timing. Throughout our walk in our adoption journey, we know that there are times when we feel alone and the silence in it is deafening. But if I can give you one ounce of hope – it is that God is there in the silence, in the pain, in the frustration, and He is in the joy. Here is our story – full of bumps, silence, and joy.
Hello! My name is Christine. Adoption has always been part of my story, as I am an adoptee myself. My husband, John, and I always knew that we wanted to grow our family through adoption someday. Like so many couples, John and I faced infertility issues when trying to start our family. After a year and a half of trying and visiting fertility specialists, we were told we would never conceive naturally. We were also told that IVF and IUI would not be options either due to aggravating factors. We had a long weekend getaway trip to Gatlinburg planned, and we got the phone call from the fertility doctor the day before we were scheduled to leave. It was amazing how God had already lined up a space for us to getaway to and grieve…
This is the second blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey.
Hello! My name is Christine. Adoption has always been part of my story, as I am an adoptee myself. My husband, John, and I always knew that we wanted to grow our family through adoption someday. Like so many couples, John and I faced infertility issues when trying to start our family. After a year and a half of trying and visiting fertility specialists, we were told we would never conceive naturally. We were also told that IVF and IUI would not be options either due to aggravating factors. We had a long weekend getaway trip to Gatlinburg planned, and we got the phone call from the fertility doctor the day before we were scheduled to leave. It was amazing how God had already lined up a space for us to getaway to and grieve…
Embarking on the path of adoption can be both exhilarating and daunting. Among the various adoption options, open adoption has gained popularity in recent years, offering a unique opportunity for birth parents, adoptive parents, and children to maintain connections and nurture ongoing relationships. Since 2017, when our agency added a new application requirement for all prospective adoptive families to be willing to pursue an open adoption prior to their approval, we often are initially met with fears surrounding the topic and this requirement. It is natural for anyone considering open adoption to experience fears and concerns initially, due to the lack of conversation and education surrounding the topic, outside of the adoption community.
Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Emily Monson, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this helpful piece with you.
We began our adoption journey a little more than six months ago, when our biological son Moses was three and a half years old. A couple months into the process, our social worker came over for our final in-person home study visit (the very last step to complete our home study with the state). The doorbell rang and I welcomed Sandy in. Moses came running down the stairs from his room with arms open to give her a big hug and blurted out, "I'm so excited to meet my new brother or sister, Miss Sandy!" Spencer and I about died laughing.
My husband and I spent nearly two years trying to conceive before deciding to pursue adoption. Throughout this time, Moses would frequently ask about being a brother. It broke our hearts that we couldn’t make him one. We went through countless infertility treatments over the course of eight months or so, and after our final failed treatment, we decided to discontinue the medical interventions and open our mind to what God had put on our hearts long ago—adoption.
When we realized that we would not actually be able to physically bring a sibling into the world for Moses, we began to think about the ways that we could explain adoption to him. Because he is so young and his heart is still fragile, this was very important to us. The way that we described adoption to Moses at this moment would forever shape the way that he viewed his brother or sister in the future. Would he think of them differently because things didn’t happen the conventional way that he’s seen in other families? Would he think this baby is less special because it was adopted? We never wanted any of these things to happen, so we knew it was super important that we shape this in light of God’s love.
It became time to fill Moses in on what was happening in our hearts and in our family, and honestly we simplified adoption to its fundamental root. We are adopting because we feel like it’s what God has called us to in this season of life. Although this may be a trying experience at times, we are confident that He will fulfill the promise He has already spoken over us. So, we simply told Moses that God was bringing him a brother or sister and that he was finally going to be a big brother. This may seem simple and overrated, but it’s what is going to happen! When he’s so young, simple is best. After all, it didn’t take long for him to begin telling anyone who would listen! His excitement has truly filled our family with even more joy than we could ever imagine.
We are currently waiting to be matched with an expectant mom. The wait is so hard on all of us, but we know that God is writing a better story than we ever could. He continues to stretch our faith and deepen our expectations of what is yet to come. Moses is going to be an amazing big brother someday, and I can’t wait to hear him tell the story of how God answered his prayers and finally made him a brother.
What are some ways that you’ve explained adoption to your children, especially younger ones? Are there any helpful resources that you’ve looked to, books you’ve read them, or Scripture you’ve looked to for guidance? Let us know in the comment section of this post!
* Post contributed by adoptive mother, Emily Monson
Can we talk about open adoption for a few minutes? More often than not, when I mention to someone that we have an open adoption with our son, Oliver’s, birth mom, I am met with a look of complete fear staring back at me. Whether I am talking to a hopeful adoptive couple, one of my family members, friends, or just a random stranger, as I begin to explain our relationship with our birth mom people look at me like there is an actual UFO hovering above my head. I am not that crazy, people! Most of the time it boils down to the fact that these people don’t really understand how open adoption works and what it looks like on a day-to-day basis. If this is you sweet friend, it is completely ok. I would love to help you replace your fears with the reality of what open adoption looks like—if you will meet me here with an open mind...
