Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Heather Kaltenbach, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful and encouraging piece with you.
Like you, I think we all went into adoption for the first time scared, uncertain, uncomfortable, and lost in all that is adoption. One thing we all know we can lean on is God and His timing. Throughout our walk in our adoption journey, we know that there are times when we feel alone and the silence in it is deafening. But if I can give you one ounce of hope – it is that God is there in the silence, in the pain, in the frustration, and He is in the joy. Here is our story – full of bumps, silence, and joy.
Our story starts off in the Summer of 2016. We were three years into our marriage and decided it was time to start our family. We thought it would be easy. We were wrong. It was difficult. Knowing something wasn’t right, I tried to make appointments to discuss what was going on – and I finally got one in December. I was told to have my husband get tested because he would be an easier fix. I sent him on a wild-goose chase. He went to his doctor, who referred him to a urologist. Disclaimer – never send husbands alone to these appointments. I am not sure what occurred, but he came home with a procedure scheduled and medicine. I made him cancel it all and sent him to the fertility specialist. Once there, he went through the appropriate testing, and he was told he was fine. The problem was me. We made an appointment for me in May of 2016. I made my mom come with me because I couldn’t hear bad news alone. I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told IUI would be my best chance at pregnancy. We went all in and went through 9 IUIs before getting pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. We tried two more times, but neither of us wanted to continue with the poking and prodding that ended in heartbreak.
In May of 2018, I saw this on Facebook – “God has you in the palm of His hand. He sees what is happening; He hasn’t brought you this far to leave you. He’d about to do something unusual, something bigger than you’ve imagined.” I stopped in my tracks and realized that there were some twists that happened that I never thought of – particularly why adoption was placed in my heart. Before I married my husband, I heard about Quiver Full Adoptions from a co-worker and wonderful friend. She is Elizabeth’s aunt. She would always talk to me about Elizabeth and Quiver Full, and I never knew why. I just listened. She made a comment that has lived within my heart for years, “I don’t know why, but I feel like you need to meet with Elizabeth.” (Elizabeth, we need to make that happen!) Then I remembered that my mom never liked the idea of fertility treatments, she said, “I feel like you are going to adopt. I just feel it.” My mom is never wrong – ever. I know now this was God walking along with me and guiding me through others. Naturally, I ignored it and did what I was going to do to have a family. I should have listened!
We announced our intent to grow our family through adoption on our Christmas cards in 2018. We became active in June of 2019. And then we waited, and waited, and waited. Oh – then Covid lockdowns happened. So, while we waited – we were locked down. We couldn’t travel and we certainly couldn’t see family. Loneliness crept in so we decided to buy a new house in July of 2020. What else could we do but make big life purchases?
On my birthday in August of 2020, we got our first opportunity to be on a call with an expectant mother. I was so nervous and so was my husband. The first day of school is always my birthday and that year was no different. With permission from my principal, I went out to my car to make the phone call. It went so well, but ultimately, we weren’t chosen. At the time, I was heartbroken. We were active for over a year, and we only had ONE call. Discouragement set in. Pain and silence were all we had. Then September came, and an expectant mom called me. I did not answer, nor did I call back until I knew it was real.
We started to grow our relationship with the expectant mother. She decided to find out more about open adoptions while she was in church. She was around five months pregnant with a boy when she contacted us. We talked weekly. We learned so much about her and grew to love her and her family. With the help of Quiver Full, we found a lawyer in her home state of Georgia. We loved this lawyer and the law firm. He took her out to lunch, and he felt she was a wonderful mother and person. A week after he met with her, we met her over Thanksgiving Break. We went to lunch with her and her mom and felt like we all just fit. She developed her hospital plan with Quiver Full, but asked for our input to make sure we were comfortable with her choices. Things were going well – until they weren’t.
In December, my brother and his family came to Florida to go to Disney, so the whole family was together and just waiting to add one more. The expectant mom was going to her weekly appointment and said she would call. Her thought was baby boy was going to come early. When I didn’t hear from her, I just knew something was wrong. I finally got a hold of her. She told me that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. She asked if she was allowed to use the names we agreed upon. Oliver Scott was born on December 9, 2020, and passed away on December 9, 2020. I was lucky to be with my family, but my heart is forever with her. She is one of the strongest women I know, and I will forever hold her in my heart.
We wanted to give up. We had been through a miscarriage, we had only one expectant parent interested in our family, and then we had Oliver pass. Maybe this was God telling us that parenting wasn’t for us. That is all we focused on and then Quiver Full called. We were not eligible for grants due to our finances. Quiver Full called us on December 14th , letting us know we received a gift of $3000. At that moment, I knew we weren’t done on our journey. We decided not to pull out of our journey in adoption, but we weren’t going to put ourselves back on the active list just yet.
December 16, 2020, changed us. Facebook populated this for me: “The pain that you’re feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” Romans 8:18. I couldn’t see that, but I didn’t want to see it. I was angry, I was hurt, and I went silent with God. While making dinner, my phone rang. It was an unknown number, but it had the area code of Georgia – so I answered on a whim. It was the lawyer and he said he had a request. He asked us if we were ok with him showing our profile to another expectant mom who was due on December 24 th . We said we were ok with it, but we had questions. Was it ethical? It was, he had already gone to the Georgia Bar Association to make sure he wasn’t violating our ethics or the expectant mom’s rights. Did she know our story? He said she did and wanted to know if we were willing to work with our lawyer’s dad (who was also an adoption lawyer). We said we would. We did not hear a word until that Friday, December 18 th . She liked us and didn’t feel the need to meet with us until the baby was born.
Christmas came and we were holding a secret. A BIG secret. We text messaged the lawyer wondering if anything happened. He said she was still working and had not gone into labor. So, we went to Target and bought some girl items and waited. And waited some more. December 29th is my husband’s birthday – we got a call. If she didn’t go into labor, she would be induced on the 30th . He advised us to head to Georgia. We were taking our time and then he called again. She was in labor, and she wanted us there! We packed up as quickly as we could and set out to a town we had never heard of to meet the mom. At 2:14AM on December 30, 2020, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, and both were doing well.
We couldn’t get to the hospital until 9AM, but I am positive we were in the parking lot as early as possible. We put on our badges and got on the longest elevator ride of our lives – three floors up. We were with the hospital social worker when we met our daughter’s mom. She was so sincere and so happy. We came up with a name together, Noelle Raine. Noelle for being so close to Christmas and Raine because that was the name her mom wanted her to have. When we walked into our room and Noelle was pushed in by the nurse, I have never felt more complete in my life. Exactly eight hours after she was born, she grabbed my finger and hasn’t let go since.
When I could, I texted my best friend – she had her daughter on December 10, 2020. I said, “I’m sorry I can’t meet Lily. I had to meet her best friend first.” I have never kept a big secret from her, but I also knew I needed time to just be with Noelle and my husband. My mom asked if she could let our extended family know because all were so heartbroken about Oliver. And my aunt called and said that she felt a Christmas miracle was happening. It did happen.
Fast forward to April 22, 2021 – adoption day. We finalized our adoption on Zoom. According to the judge, we had the largest turn out he has ever seen for an adoption hearing. Noelle had aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers, pastors, cousins, and lawyers welcoming her to our family.
If God never had us go through the pain, we wouldn’t have Noelle. If we didn’t follow what God placed in our hearts, we wouldn’t have Noelle. We needed the bumps, the pain, and the silence on our journey to our girl. A fellow adoptive mom sent me Psalms 126:5 when I was at the height of my sorrow, “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”
Not so long ago, I asked Noelle if she knew what a miracle was. In all the wonder and the amazement that is a two-and-a-half-year-old, she said, “Me. I am a miracle.” And she is. She is our miracle. She is her birth mom’s miracle. She is a testament to following God and listening to Him.
I guess what I am saying is to follow the bumps, take the silence, and know God is right there. He is always there. He wouldn’t have taken you this far to let you go alone. Adoption is bumpy, bittersweet, and beautiful.
*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Heather Kaltenbach